Dreaming of Calcutta Weddings.....

I received an open invitation to a friends wedding in India come this December. Rather than listening to the Should Do voice that resonated in my head constantly, I turned my attention to the little girl within, who would pour over atlas’ for fun, dreaming of the far flung places she wanted to go to, and decided that if there was anyway possible, I would make the trip. After all, apart from those living in India, how often do you get an invite to a traditional Indian wedding in India in a life time?

First port of call was a quick e-mail to Bogus Air Captain Mascot Centre. My immediate response to reading the reply left me reeling, the answer from an obviously overly cheerful travel agent (you would be cheerful too if you thought you were going to get a commission on a ticket sale that you didn’t have to have any actual human contact to complete) lead me to believe that they were insane, quoting me $1650 + $301 in taxes (lets not forget that added little extra of $1 on top of the magic number thirty!) which wasn’t immediately enticing.

Mentally add if you would, to the equation that I must buy Sweetpea a ticket also. If recent history is anything to go by, Sweetpea’s fare would be 10% of my fare with taxes on top = $466. All that money and the child doesn’t get a seat of her own, often doesn’t get a meal that she can or will eat and isn’t given a kiddie bag to keep her entertained. I guess infants don't warrant the onboard entertainment bags until they are over the age of two and parents are obligated to pay three quarters of an adult fare just to fly them anywhere. And for the record whilst working on this paragraph rant, can I just say how piss poor it is that an infant under the age of two can rack up almost as much in taxes as an adult when it comes to flying? How is that possible? The child doesn’t even earn pocket money yet.

Surely there has to be some kind of internet deal that could beat the Bogus Air Captain Mascot Centre offer I thought to myself. So I logged on to the net to begin my search to cheap flight fame.

The first offered air fare I discovered from Zoogee.com.au was over $3000 (tax out!), and it was going to take over 21 hours just to get there. Now I don't know about you, but the idea of being cooped up in a skinny metal tube, hurtling along at speeds that make the reality of what Formula One drivers experience in G-Forces every race with a child under the age of two is defiantly not something you would want to spend as much time as humanly possible doing and is not fun. Picking my brains out through my nose could be defined as fun. Watching re-runs of Captain Kirk getting the alien chick all hot and bothered in Star Trek original series over and over again could be defined as fun. Sitting opposite to a foul old man on a train in the summer time who obviously decided that going commando was the most comfortable style of dressing (don't ask) could be defined as fun. Flying a long haul trip with a small toddler could never fit within the definitions of fun. Who in their right mind would be willing to travel 21 hours or more to get somewhere? (And please don't ask about the 32 hours of travelling from His Hometown to My Hometown that I did with Sweetpea when she was 14 months old).

A second flight option found on Zoogee.com.au flying with Thai Airways (Calcutta via Bangkok) that was 13 hours flight to get there and 13 hours to get back home. At least that is a little more reasonable time wise, but sadly, it looks as if Zoogee were going to charge me $300 in taxes too and they are more expensive for the basic ticket ($1860) than Bogus Air Captain Mascot Centre. This came somewhat as a surprise to me as numerous people have complained to me (at me?) about the pricing policies of Bogus Air Captain Mascot Centre. Personally I don't give a fig; I just want to go to my girlfriends wedding in December without bankrupting myself. Peanut Satay airlines website offered me the bargain of a flight to Dehli (with no mention of how to get to Calcutta) for $3749.32 (I’m not even going to dignify that bid with a comment) and the flights that the Student Travel Agency website offered me was almost as laughable.

So now I'm beginning to wonder if my Bride to Be Friend wouldn’t mind moving her Indian wedding to late September when the flight there would cost a paltry $850 + taxes. Yes I'm well aware that its monsoon season, but after watching “Monsoon Wedding” a thousand times, I can persuade them with the idea that there is a undeniable Bollywood association to coolness there. I'm sure it wouldn’t be too difficult to alter the wedding plans that Bride to Be and Groom to Be have put in place. Yes, its just so obvious that that’s the answer… change the wedding date! I'm sure that it won’t be any problem at all for the bridal party to accommodate the wishes of one guest. Or maybe I should get back to Bogus Air Captain Mascot Centre and just book the tickets already.


Can someone tell the Should Do voice in my head to shut up and tell my bank manager to look the other way?