Speech is Golden

It only takes a look on a book shelf, a glance through website message boards on the internet or eavesdropping on a conversation between people surrounded by little children to know I'm not the only parent to second guess my parenting abilities and wonder silently to myself if I am doing a good enough job raising Sweetpea.

You know how it goes. In an effort to convince them that they are doing OK on the parenting issues, parents compare what one child is doing against another’s development. Not normally are such comparisons meant to be competitive, but there are times when you wonder if the parent telling you how fabulously advanced their child is, is really doing it for reassurance or if they are doing it to gain a feeling of superiority against other adults struggling with the same feelings of inability.

One issue that had been lying heavily on my heart was my fear that Sweetpea’s language development wasn’t what it should be. It seemed that so many children were far more highly developed than my daughter when it came to speaking that I honestly began to fear that my daughter was possibly autistic because of her apparent refusal to communicate with me. Rather, she would point to whatever she wanted and grunt. Up until 18 months of age this system worked wonderfully well. I knew exactly what Sweetpea wanted and there was hardly ever a breakdown in understanding.

But as her second birthday approaches and I heard people boasting of the words their two year old children were coming out with and the panic set in. Why wasn’t Sweetpea talking to me? What was I doing wrong? I had been speaking to her since her birth using full language; there was to be no baby talk for my little girl. I went as far as to purposely look fully into her face and asked her opinions on things I went shopping for at three weeks of age. Hadn’t I done what all the books, all the professionals exposing their wisdom, all my years at university studying the development of language in young children taught me? Why was there a absence of words falling from my child’s lips?

I started putting voice to my worries with other people, and the truth came surging forward like a tidal wave of proof against my fears. Sweetpea has been talking ten to the dozen – to everyone but me. Dozens of examples of words were given to me that she had been speaking. I was stunned, unable to take in what I was being told. Sweetpea was a chatterbox, not a mute. Upon hearing these testimonies, I decided to start writing down the words that I heard or that others told me about. In the space of one week, I had a list of 25 words. After reaching that number, I stopped worrying and decided that my ability to understand Sweetpea’s grunting was at a level so highly developed that she didn’t feel the need to use words with me. I chose to believe that we were so in harmony that words were unnecessary. I tried hard to not take it personally that other people got to hear her sweet voice saying words and all I got grunts.

But joyfully this week I got to witness Sweetpea’s language development first hand. This week Sweetpea started putting two word sentences together. The first was “Mummy look”. She was pointing to photo of us at the beach together and we talk just about every morning about the memories of that day as it is above our bed. I was so excited to hear this sentence, but I did wonder if it was a fluke, or if it was the beginning of something bigger and better. I had my answer within a couple of days. “Me up!” was said, as she demanded to be lifted onto the bed of my mother as we visited her in hospital. My sister was there, so that makes two witnesses to this new development.

I think that maybe I need to cut myself some slack, stop comparing my child to others and just enjoy the ride of growing up with her. Because without a doubt, Sweetpea is going to be all grown up and these precious childhood days will be but a cherished memory. And I don't want my memoirs to be of self doubt, but of enjoyment and pride of a job well done.